Are you JUST tired?

Yes...it's been almost a month since my last blog entry. I had so much I could have shared leading up to Christmas, and I just haven't had the steam to sit down and type and tell my story.  I'm going to try today...

Let me start with MERRY CHRISTMAS!!  I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas with your families.  Mine is not over yet.  Lauren and Alex just arrived yesterday, and this morning I am patiently waiting for them to wake up so we can open our stockings and gifts.  Later today, the rest of the Austins are arriving for some family Christmas celebration.  I'm glad our Christmas was delayed by two days, the 25th was not a very good day for me.  I slept.  A lot.

It also doesn't feel like Christmas to me yet because I haven't talked to my sister.  They decided to go south a week before Christmas and just got home yesterday.  I hope I get to talk to her today!!  And I can't wait to see my family a little later this week!

A few weeks ago we had a very large (100 foot) tree taken down.  Have you ever watched someone take down a tree in the city?  They climb way up to the top of the tree and start sending down chunks.  Big chunks that you feel the vibration from when they hit the ground.  So, Tree Guy is way up this huge tree in our backyard and I can see the tree swaying back and forth...way up there...and I decide I'm not going to watch Tree Guy take down the tree.  I did take a photo with the intention of sharing it with you, but you can't really tell it's a man up there...and you can't really tell how high up he is.  So, I'll leave it to your imagination!

I was at Matt's Christmas party and was very happy to see lots of familiar faces and they had lots of wonderful things to say to me, along the lines of "You look great!" and "So good to see you!".  Someone I've known for a long time (and am quite fond of) asked me if I was done treatment.  I told him (with a big smile), that yes, I had completed my treatments the middle of March.  He nodded and said "So, 100% then?"  I felt completely deflated.  Trying not to show it I said "Well, I'm doing really well.  I'm just struggling a bit with fatigue and have to really pace myself".  His response back to me was "And how is that any different from me being tired at the end of the day?"  I was inspired by his comment.  I'm sure there are lots of people who have never experienced fatigue, and so maybe don't understand that it isn't just about being tired after a long day.  I thought maybe I'd try to explain it...and then maybe it'll make more sense why I haven't blogged lately, why I made short appearances at some Christmas parties and why I've been a bit of a recluse lately...

I think the main difference for me, between fatigue and being tired, is that it doesn't go away.  A good night's sleep doesn't really refresh me.  It gives me strength, and it definitely helps, but I still feel like I could sleep for hours.  I am tired down to my baby toe.  I have lists of things I want to do, and most things on the list feel like huge obstacles to overcome...not easy items to just cross off.  I'll give you an example...I started my Christmas cards with my friend Jodi the last week of November.  We got them almost done...seriously, another hour and they'd be finished.  I just didn't have the focus/energy/where with all to do it.  Finally Matt helped me finish them a week or so ago (he's great at taking direction with glue in hand!!).  And we got them out.  He sat beside me at the kitchen table and attached address labels and stamps and sealed them shut.  We did a few each day last week...so when you receive your card this week, you'll know I've been trying since the end of November to get them out!

I'm glad to be on holidays now until January 3rd.  The trick is drinking tons of water and not doing too much.   So, what constitutes too much?  Well, on the 24th I thawed the turkey, made lunch for Matt and wrapped some gifts.  It was too much and I was down and out almost all day Christmas day.  And it frustrates me that that is too much.

Mostly, I'm tired of being tired.  I joined a new gym that opens this week (the 30th).  It's less than five minutes from our house.  I'm hoping some time at the gym (on my schedule...whenever I want to go), will help with the energy.  I know the weather (hello winter!) and the festive season probably don't help either.  I'm just trying to take everything into account, listen to my body/mind/spirit (and Matt) and pace myself.  I suck at it.  But I think I'm improving.

The good news is, it's the best time of the year! The World Juniors are on...and so far Canada is looking really good!!  Go Canada Go!!

xoxoxoxoxoxoox

New Canadian Citizen!!

On Friday Matt & I had the privilege of attending our first Canadian Citizenship Ceremony.  It was a wonderful (and quite emotional) experience.  Our friend (and neighbour) Adolfo was presented with his Canadian Citizenship.  We are so happy and proud of (and for) him!

The presiding Judge Sharon Robertson was excellent. She was animated and did such a great job with the ceremony and making everyone feel comfortable and welcome.  There were 46 people (from 22 countries) receiving their citizenship and she took the time to speak to each one of them, as did our MP Peter Braid.  

Adolfo with Judge Sharon, Peter Braid and his sons Gabe & Alex.

Before the ceremony started, the clerk walked us all through how the ceremony would proceed, when we should stand, etc.  The place was packed and he told us it was the fullest ceremony he'd ever seen.  When it came time for the new citizens to take their oath, Judge Robertson encouraged anyone who wanted to renew their oath to join in, including those that had been born in Canada and may have never had the opportunity to say the oath before.  Matt & I both joined in.  I should clarify that I tried to say the oath, with tears streaming down my face and my voice cracking it was a little more difficult then I might have anticipated.  I won't tell you what happened when we sang O Canada!!

It was a really great experience.  I am so proud to be Canadian and that pride grew exponentially at the Citizenship ceremony.  I totally understand why a person would choose to become Canadian!!

The fun continued when we were invited to join Adolfo and his family (including his lovely wife Heather - who is my awesome tennis partner!!) at a "new citizen" party on Friday night.  It was a lot of fun to raise a beer and eat some good old deep fried Canadian food in celebration of a fantastic achievement!

Decked out in a new tuque and scarf!

We got Adolfo a new Canadian tuque and scarf to keep him warm this winter!  He's already experienced many Canadian winters...but somehow I suspect his first as a Canadian citizen will be the best one yet!!  Congratulations, Adolfo!!

xoxoxoxooxoxoxo

One Year!!

Friday marked my one year anniversary for finishing chemo!  One year ago I was celebrating being done my chemo treatments (there was cake involved)...and now it's been a whole year!  Some days it feels like a lot longer than a year, and other days it's wild to think a whole year has gone by!

So Friday night we went to visit some friends and they were happy to celebrate my one year anniversary with me...again, cake was involved!!  Thanks Rob & Steph for the hospitality and for cheering me on the whole way!!

It's actually been a great weekend for celebrating. On Saturday we had the privilege of attending an 80th birthday party with Matt's family for his Aunt Ruth.  It was a bit of a surprise for her, and it was fun to see everyone there for her!  After the birthday party, we went to an annual "Rink Building" party at our friends the Andrews.  It was a good time...albeit a little crazy with many little ones running around!!  Always good to sit around a big table and have a beer with friends!!

And today I got to meet up with my good friend Tracy for our birthday pedicures...ok...two months late but man do I have pretty blue toes tonight!!

Hope you had a good weekend too!!  Cheers to one year!!

xoxoxoxoxoxox

Scrappy Weekend!!

I just had a FANTASTIC weekend!  I was at a Scrapbook Retreat with two great girlfriends!  We were at the Elmhurst Inn in Ingersoll.  It's a beautiful spot, and the grounds are awesome!  It seems to be a choice destinations for weddings...and we did indeed see a bride each night we were there!

We arrived Friday mid-afternoon and spent from Friday at 5:00 until Sunday at 5:00 scrapping with the great people from ScrapMuch?  It was awesome.  While we did get a little bit of sleep, we also ate some good food (and snacks!!), had lots of laughs, played a little Price is Right and, oh yeah, we had a great time working on Christmas cards, layouts and I even made a rocking Advent calendar!!  I am not quite as fast or productive as Mindy and Amber (hello...Amber got 37 pages done and Mindy completed ALL of her Christmas cards...but damn my advent calendar is cute!!!)

Thank you to Anita and Elaine for being such wonderful hosts this weekend! And thank you to Mindy and Amber for being such great roommates!!  I'm already looking forward to the next one!

xoxoxoxoxoxxo

KISS This!!

Start with a beautiful, loving, mild mannered family...

add a life long KISS fan with a makeup brush (and decades of practice)...

four willing faces...

awesome home made costumes...

lots of enthusiasm, energy, attitude and star power...

and you end up with the winners for BEST costume!!!

And like any good rock band...they have a crazed fan!!!

xoxoxoxoxo

What a Week!

This was a really tough week for me.

I made the REALLY difficult decision to end my participation at Well-Fit.  It was a really difficult decision because I've been going to this fitness group (for cancer patients only) since after my second chemo treatment.  These wonderful girls saw me twice a week during all my treatments, recovery and return to work.  They supported me and guided me and helped me embrace the road to better health.  Hey...they worked miracles!  I'm moving my butt more!!  During chemo, when my immune system was seriously compromised and I wasn't hugging anyone or going anywhere near anyone who might possibly be sick, I still went to fitness.  They operate a sterile environment and if you're sick, you don't go because you know there are others in treatment who can't fight off a little cold.  These girls developed a personal program for me every six weeks or so.  They pushed me when I needed to be pushed, and kept a close eye on my heart rate monitor when they thought I was pushing too hard.  They made a HUGE difference to my cancer journey.  So leaving them has had me in tears several times this week.  So, I'll bet you're asking "Why go??".  Well, with the return to full time hours at work, there are only two classes I can attend - Monday & Wednesday at 5:30.  And at the end of the day, I'm just a little too tired to push myself at fitness, and if I miss one of my classes, it's too hard to make it up at another time.  Damn this work thing!  To Lori, Maddy, Erin & Steph I send out my heartfelt thanks.  You girls rock!  Thank you for your encouragement, comfort and caring.  Thanks for pushing me!  Thanks for providing such an awesome support network.  And thanks for helping me to embrace fitness!  I'll definitely be seeing you!!

Part of the reason I could decide to leave Well Fit is because I am joining the new Athletic Club on Ira Needles.  It opens mid-December and I'm pretty excited to check it out.  It does mean that in the next six weeks, I need to do some weights at home, go swimming and go for some walks.  And of course, I'll continue to push myself at tennis (have I mentioned how much I love playing tennis??!!).

So, on Wednesday I went to my last Well Fit class.  I didn't even say good bye to my fellow survivors.  I was just way too emotional.  I hardly talked to anyone all class, on the verge of tears.  Who is this emotional girl??!!

To make my day just a little bit better on Wednesday, someone hit my car while I was parked on the side street near my apartment at lunch.  Crap.  My street is getting repaved, new curbs, new sidewalks and they redid the plumbing underground...so it's a mess!  You have to park a street over and walk.  And leave your car out for people to hit!  Damn.  It's not a really bad dint...but it will have to be repaired.  Not a good day.

I hosted a little Stampin' Up party for some girlfriends on Friday night and am so grateful my beautiful man gave me a hand getting ready for it.  It was a fun time and amazing how a few hours with your girlfriends can turn your week around!!  Thanks girls!

While I was hosting on Friday, Matt was in London painting the faces of my good friends the McGonigles for their Hallowe'en party.  Of course if Matt is there painting their faces, I'm sure you can guess that they went as KISS!  And who better to do their make up then Matt?!  Judy made their costumes and from the picture Jude posted on Facebook they looked awesome!  I'm still waiting for a couple of pics to scrapbook...and if I'm granted permission I'll maybe throw one on here too!  Matt was so excited that they got into their characters and hammed it up!  Great job you guys!!  And congrats on the best costume win!!

I was very happy to get a short visit in with Eileen and Markie Thom today.  Mark was playing in a hockey tournament in Mississauga this weekend, and while they didn't have any wins yesterday, they had an awesome game today (must have been the good luck charms in the stands!!).

You know, I really don't have very many bad days.  So I guess having one (or two) this week just provided me with perspective.  Life is good!

xoxoxoxoxo

Three Month Check Up!!

On Friday morning, Matt & I were at the Cancer Centre for my three month follow up.

I'm on a three month rotation, which gives me comfort and makes me feel confident that if anything was to go askew, they'd be on it right away.  The appointment is easy peasy.  Lots of questions about how I'm doing, how work is going, any discomfort I'm experiencing and how the fatigue is going.  Then, there's an exam (check out the mastectomy site and my remaining boob, check to see if there are any issues with my lymph nodes, a listen to my heart and my lungs and a funny little check they do to see if there are any changes to some other organs).  All and all it's about half an hour.

And I passed with flying colours!  I'm good to go!  And she got a kick out my curly hair!!

So, I'm cleared until January when I go back for my next three month appointment!

I love having a good follow up. Every time I get a thumbs up, it puts a little more distance between me and my diagnosis and treatment.  And that has to be a good thing!

I've had a great weekend!  Dinner out at The Cambridge Mill last night (big yum) and how awesome was the weather today!  What a beautiful sun shiny day!!

xoxoxoxoxo

Athletics Rock...and a Thanksgiving Update too!

So, again I've been a bad blogger and knew I should definitely come up with something to blog about today.  So, I turned to my other half and said "Honey, I need a blog topic."  His response "OK...your blog topic should be that Athletics rock and you should give a Thanksgiving update too".  Really?  You think I should write about how Athletics rock?  Me?  The most un-athletic person EVER??!!  OK...here goes...

I'm starting with the Thanksgiving update because it's definitely the easier of the two!  We went to Clarksburg (near Collingwood) last Sunday to celebrate with Matt's family.  There was a party for Aunt Donna and Uncle Jim, who are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary this fall!  It was a really nice lunch - a turkey dinner with the fixings so the "ladies" wouldn't have to go home and make one on Monday.  Works for me!  After the party, we drove to Barrie to have Thanksgiving dinner with my family. Yep...you guessed it.  More turkey.  Twice in one day!  My sister, being the rock star she is, also made a prime rib.  Yummy!  So, I had a bit of turkey (Sandy's was better) and a bit of prime rib.

My Mom and her husband Ian have decided to relocate to Barrie and took Matt & I to see their new condo on Sunday night.  It's very close to the college and not too far from my sister's place. I think they were moving in this weekend (I should probably follow up on that progress...such a bad daughter!!).  We also made a quick stop for a hug in Cookstown.  It was a whirlwind Thanksgiving tour.

I have mixed emotions about Thanksgiving.  It's definitely not my favourite holiday.  However, I do love the colours that show themselves in the fall (and the trip to Clarksburg last weekend was a great opportunity to check them out along the escarpment)...and I'm always happy for any occasion that makes me stop and think about all I have to be thankful for.  I am blessed.  I am grateful.  My plate is full and for this I am truly thankful!

Now...about that "Athletics Rock" thing.  Hmmm...well, the Rangers won both their games this weekend (and Sharon & I are going to the game this Friday!)  And I am sitting downstairs right now watching motocross on the 50 inch...and it's pretty cool.  These guys are beyond athletic!!

I had a fantastic tennis lesson this week.  Yes, I am LOVING tennis!  My serve is coming along and this week we were hitting balls that came at us from the ball machine.  That was super fun.  So, I think I'm making progress and I'm so glad I still have lots of lessons to go!  I got a new racquet that weighs pretty much nothing and I think it helped me a ton this week that Matt and I got out on the court last Saturday to try it out!  I can't wait to play a game and kick Matt's butt!!  Ok...that may be a ways off...but a girl needs a dream!!

Speaking of Matt, he ran a 10 km race today (the Oktoberfest Run).  He did his personal best!  I'm very proud of him.

And Alex is playing on the Sir John A MacDonald junior football team!  They won their game on Thursday (by one point) against Bluevale!!  Go Highlanders!!

I think what I'm most excited to tell you about today though, is the sweet voice of Lauren.  Her band, Winchester, has a website and their music can be downloaded for free.  I think you should definitely check them out. They were featured on the radio for an hour on Friday night (88.3 fm - CJIQ - Conestoga College). My favourite track is Fade Out.  I am so proud of her and Monty and I'm so amazed at how beautiful her voice sounds.  And I love that I figured out iTunes so I can listen to her on my iPad!

While I know Thanksgiving was last weekend, I think we should take a minute every day to count our blessings.  Make a list, it'll blow your mind!

xoxoxoxox

Birthday Week...

In looking for an excuse as to why I did not blog this week, I decided to use the "It's my Birthday Week!" excuse!  On Tuesday I turned 44!  Yep...I'm double 4s.  Somehow, I lost a year.  Ok, I guess we know how I lost a year, but seriously, it seems like just yesterday I was 42.

My Mom & Ian came to visit me last weekend.  We had a little birthday celebration with some cake, and Alex took a great picture of me blowing out my candles.  The problem is, I'm having a little trouble locating the cable to connect my camera to the computer, so I'm not able to share the photo with you at this time.  Suffice it to say I do LOVE my birthday!!  It's my favourite day of the whole year!!  And it was great to celebrate it with my Mom, Ian, Matt & Alex (and Bill & Beth who came for dinner on Saturday night)!  I also got to see my nephews PJ & Sam and my niece Sydney last Sunday (and while I did take my camera with me for the visit, somehow I neglected to take a picture!).

This past week marked my return to full time hours at work.  I was nervous about it, and after such a big weekend I was a little tired when Monday rolled around.  Well, what started out as a "little tired" at the beginning of the week escalated into a cold/flu bug...that took me the week to get over.  In fact, I ended up home sick on Thursday.  Way to go, Sue!  Yep, really conquered that return to full time hours thing.  This week WILL be better!!

On a more positive and exciting note, I have taken up tennis!  I am signed up for weekly lessons and so far I am loving it!  I am going with our wonderful neighbour, Heather, and together we are having a blast!  It is the only sport I can EVER remember wanting to play.  So far we have had two lessons and my fingers are crossed we learn to serve this coming week!!  You know what the best part about tennis is?? It's all about LOVE!!   Well, actually I guess the point is to do better then LOVE!!

Matt & I went to see the movie 50/50 last night.  It's the story of a young guy who is diagnosed with cancer and his journey through it.  It's based on a true story, and co-stars Seth Rogan (who is actually a good friend of the guy the story is based on and Seth was there for him through his real journey, as well as playing the same role in the movie).  The movie was really well done, very funny in places, and I'm glad we saw it.  That said, if I'm being honest, it may have been a bit early in my own journey for me to go see it.  It definitely hit close to home and I would be lying if I didn't say I got a little (ok, a lot) teary eyed at various points throughout the movie.   As we were walking out of the theatre, I turned to Matt and said "I did that."  I'm so glad he did it with me.

It has been a really great weekend.  Lots of rest, feels like lots accomplished and look at me, I'm even blogging today.

I'm sending some love out to my Spacie Gracie who is celebrating her birthday tomorrow!  Hope you have a beautiful day my friend!!

xoxoxoxoxox

Oh...How I Love TV!!!

Seriously...I'm completely addicted!!

I am so excited that the new television season is upon us...that my favourite old shows are back and some promising new shows are about to begin.

It's a problem.  A good problem in my opinion, but a problem none the less.  Is it normal to have created a schedule (with highlights and notes) of the many many shows I want to watch this fall?  I mean many many shows!

I'm excited!  The PVR is lined up!  And the 50 inch has never looked better!

I think I'm in trouble.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Genetic Testing...Done!

In our strive for knowledge and understanding with my breast cancer diagnosis last year, we discovered there are basically three things they check for in the pathology results as potential factors in the cancer's growth and development.

Two of these "things" are hormone receptors.  There are two types of hormone receptors - estrogen and progesterone.   Breast cancer cells that have these receptors need estrogen and progesterone to grow. The idea is that the cancer cells would receive signals from these hormone receptors that could promote their growth.  Roughly two out of every three breast cancers test positive for hormone receptors.  I did not.  If I had tested positive, I would likely be on some hormone therapy now (medication that would either lower or block the hormone receptors to decrease future risk).

The last thing they check the pathology for is the HER2 gene.  This one is a little more complicated, but basically what happens is the HER2 gene makes HER2 proteins.  This part is good. But when the HER2 gene doesn't work properly, it creates too many proteins and this causes the breast cells to grow and divide in an uncontrolled way.  I tested negative for this one too.  Again, if I had tested positive there are medications specifically designed for HER2 positive breast cancer, which is great because HER2 positive breast cancers tend to grow quickly and spread.

So, I'm what they call a triple negative in the bus...and it's a little bit scary because we don't know what caused my cancer to grow.  

The only other avenue I could explore was genetic.  This was a bit of a long shot for me...I don't have any family history of breast cancer.  But since I was considered relatively young at the time of diagnosis (look at that...42 is young!!) and since I was a triple negative, it was something I wanted to explore.  Matt and I met with a Genetic Counsellor in March to get the scoop.  There is a test they can run to see if you have a mutation of the breast cancer gene (known as BRCA for BReast CAncer).  If you qualify within their parameters, they will test you for this mutation.  My Uncle Peter had strongly recommended to me when I was first diagnosed that I get this testing done.   It was a relatively easy decision from my perspective to get it done, but not as easy when thinking about the rest of my family.  If I was a carrier of this mutation/abnormality, than in all likelihood other members of my family would be too.  And some  people don't want to know.  For me, through this whole experience, knowledge has meant power.  But that's not the case for everyone and I understand that.  At the end of the day I had to do what was right for me and then handle the information once I had the results.

So in March I had five vials of blood drawn for the test...and on Friday Matt and I went back to see the Genetic Counsellor to get the results.  It was GREAT news!!  With 95% certainty, they can confirm that I am NOT abnormal!!  Yes, I focused on that part!  The testing showed no mutation of the BRCA gene for me!! They have several markers they check along the way, and compare to a "normal" BRCA gene and I was within the variance for each marker!  This is such great news and such a relief for me.  Part of the worry for me all along has been the risk my breast cancer creates for those I love the most!  To know that there is not a genetic disposition makes me VERY happy!!  And so happy for my fellow family members!!  I wanted to shout it from the rooftop!!

Of course, that still leaves me not knowing what caused my cancer to grow.  I have my theories about dinners I was forced to eat as a child...you know, those yucky things your parents tried to convince you are good for you...but alas, I'm sure that's not the case either.  I just drew the short straw.

C'est la vie!!  Here I am, six months after treatments are done and I am grateful for the journey of the past fourteen months. I have learned so much...and I am so very happy to be here!!

xoxoxoxoxoox

Yippee! It's September!!

And that means it's my birthday month!  My favourite day of the year!!

Only 22 days away!!  And yes, I'm definitely counting.  Just ask anyone who lives in the same house as me (they're already tired of me!!)  Imagine how they're going to feel with three weeks to go!  I love it!!

I'm sitting downstairs watching the US Open (Tennis) on the big screen!  I am really loving tennis and have decided I need to learn how to play.  I'm in the process of finding some lessons...and finding some courage so I don't back out!!

I'm sending a big shout out to my fabulous niece, Emma, who got third in her fiddle contest this weekend!! Way to go, Em!!  You rock!!

I finished "The Boy in the Striped Pajamas" by John Boyne.  What an EXCELLENT story.  It's an easy quick read (easily read in an afternoon) and is from the perspective of a young, naive boy who's father is the Commandant at Auschwitz.  I should clarify what I mean by easy (big print, short chapters, small book)...the story is compelling and riveting!  I would strongly recommend it!

Hope everybody had a great long weekend and found some time to sit and enjoy some time with family and friends!

xoxoxoxoxox

Sum...Sum...Summertime...

I love summer!  I love the heat, the sun, the smiles of everyone enjoying the great weather!  I love sitting outside and reading the paper or having a nap.   I love connecting with neighbours who are out and about, also enjoying the summer...and I love sitting in a backyard with friends enjoying a drink and maybe a dip in the pool!

As August comes to a close and I hear all the ads on the radio for "the most wonderful time of the year" and back to school sales, I know summer is coming to an end.  I'm starting to think about all the things I didn't do this summer and I can't help but feel a little bummed.    I think summer should last as long as winter does.

That said, fall is almost upon us and you know what, I love the fall!  I love the colours, the sunny days and cool nights and the parade of kids heading back to school!   I love the predictable routine that returns after summer holidays and the return of my favourite tv shows as the fall tv schedule begins.  And I love digging out my favourite sweatshirts and thinking about the return of Kitchener Ranger hockey!

While I'm not a big fan of the cold that comes with winter, or driving in snow and ice...I am grateful for the change that comes with each season.  For the opportunity to embrace the best of each season and the beauty that comes with it.   And I guess being a Canadian means tolerating winter even if I don't want to!

I'm getting ahead of myself...winter is still (hopefully) months away!  It's pool party time and I still have some summer things to enjoy!!  I'm going outside!

xoxoxoxoxoxoox

What a Girl!!

Last week I received an email from Matt's sister-in-law, Leslie that I would like to share with all of you.  It's about her daughter (Matt's niece), Kathryn.  Kathryn is a wonderful girl and I love it when I get the chance to visit with her and hear what she's up to.  Here's Leslie's email:


After a year of growing her hair, and much frustration over brushing such a long mane, Kathryn has donated her locks to be made into wigs for cancer patients.  She made this decision a year ago when she learned our dear family member, Sue, would be losing her hair during her cancer treatments.  We are very proud of Sue and we love Kathryn's new look!

I am so proud of this amazing ten year old!! Great job growing your hair and doing something so generous, Kathryn!!  I know that someone will be very grateful when their hair falls out and they can wear some of yours!!  And I love your new haircut!!


On an entirely different note, I got to have lunch with an old friend of mine on Sunday.  In the summer of 1987, I was a bridesmaid in my friend Sheryl's wedding. We went to high school together and she is one of the kindest people I have ever known.  Somehow, a year or so after Sheryl's wedding, we lost touch.  Sitting across from her on Sunday, 24 years later, I wonder how that happened.  I am so glad she found me on Facebook and we reconnected.    I am grateful for the opportunity to catch up, and for how great it felt to give an old friend a big hug.


xoxoxoxoxoxo

I'm Engaged...but not "Engaged"...

So, the last couple of weeks at work I feel like I have turned a corner.   I made the comment at work that it's so much better because I am engaged.  I meant that I am engaged in the work, and feeling drawn in to what I am working on and want to work on more stuff (definitely a good sign and a big change from a couple of weeks ago).   And even though we had been talking about work and how I was doing working through the piles, as soon as I used the word engaged, the response I got was an incredulous "You're engaged??!!".  Darn english language...darn double entendres.

So, while I am becoming engaged at work (meaning look at me getting caught up in the work and having no trouble filling in a full day)...I am not engaged to get married.  Silly people.

I was very tempted to title this blog entry simply "I'm Engaged"...knowing full well there might be a few screams, gasps as breaths were drawn in and "Holy crap, I can't believe she didn't tell me"...I decided I wasn't quite that cruel.  Well, maybe I am a little bit...since I'm sure I drew in a few of you with the title I did use...

I'm up to three full days this week.  It sure is a lot more fun to go to work now that my brain seems to be working better and I'm much  more "engaged" with what I'm working on!!

On a more somber note, I am sending out my sincere condolences to the whole Lunz family on the loss of their Mom and Grandma, Leona.   A lovely lady with a quick smile, I know she will be greatly missed.  My thoughts are with all of you.

xoxoxoxoxoxo

Shout It...Shout It...Shout It Out Loud!!

Last week Matt and I went to Windsor to see KISS live at Caesars Colosseum.  Matt has been a huge KISS fan since he was a teenager and he still loves their music!  He can sing (almost) all of their songs by heart...and does...often!!  When provided with the opportunity to go see them live, he just couldn't turn it down!  Me, I'm not really a KISS fan, but I do have a lot of respect for a band that comes out and hits it...and interacts completely with the audience the entire two hours they are performing.  These guys really do know how to entertain!!  And who doesn't like a little "Rock & Roll All Night"??

I love this shot...you can totally tell how close we got!!

Gene...hard to believe he's 62. For those followers of "Family Jewels", the girl in the front row with the sign that said "Ask 4 me after please" added some insight into why there may be marriage problems!

Last time we saw KISS, they wouldn't sing Beth...and we heard somewhere that they won't sing it anymore out of respect for Peter Criss...I am happy to report that Eric Singer (the new Catman) did a great job with it!!

Me and my man!!  He was one of only a few with the make up on.  What a die hard!!

As the concert comes to an end, Paul Stanley struts his stuff one last time for us!

Love the  confetti cannon!!  Really, it's probably my favourite part!

Somehow Caesars in Windsor doesn't have the same feel as the casinos in Vegas.  I've been thinking a bit about that and I think it's because there is a much younger vibe at the casinos I've been to on the strip...and the vibe in Windsor was definitely older.  And somehow, sadder.

It's been a day of reflection for me today.  One year ago today I had my first chemo treatment.  And right about now I was tossing my cookies, for what would be the beginning of fourteen hours of yuckiness.  I'm so glad to have all that behind me!!

I went to see the final Harry Potter movie last night with my friend, Kim. We've seen all the movies together and the last one did not disappoint.  I now have the desire to watch them all in sequence and see what I missed the first time around!  Tomorrow I'm off to see the Smurf movie with my little friend, Jenna, and her mom, Bette.  I think I'm looking forward to it...although I have to admit I already have that darn Smurf song bouncing around in my head...

Sending some sunshine vibes out to my friends who are camping this weekend. Hope you have some great weather and a fantastic time!!

xoxoxoxoxoxox

A Whole Day!!

Today was my first FULL day at work since August 4, 2010!  Can you believe it?  It's a funny thing to be proud of and to feel some accomplishment for...but this return to work thing is tougher than I would have guessed.  Keeping focused and remembering how to do my job is a challenge!!  It is definitely getting better with time and practice!!  I'm so grateful for understanding employers and co-workers!!

Tomorrow Matt and I are off to a KISS concert.  One of Matt's all time favourite bands.  Me, I go just to experience how much Matt loves being there! And, of course, after ten years together it turns out I know a lot of their songs too!!  We have excellent seats for the concert, and since I know that Matt will be painting his face, you can expect photos in the near future.  

That said, I should warn you that I am still trying to figure out how to do photos on the MacBook...so it could take me a few days!

I did finish the book I was reading "A Soft Place to Land".  It was ok.  I was disappointed in the ending, and I'm always bummed when I read a book and enjoy it while I'm reading it and then think the ending stinks.  With this book, I felt the ending left me hanging...and that makes the book feel unfinished to me. Oh well.  I'm on to the next book (see the side panel for details)...

Hope you are all having a great week and enjoying the (somewhat cooler) weather!  Geez...maybe we'll even get some rain!!

xoxoxoxooxoxo

What a Year It's Been!!

On July 19, 2010, Matt & I went to an appointment with my surgeon to get the official news...I had breast cancer.  One year ago today!  Man!  What a year it has been!  Some days it feels like so much longer than one year, and other days it feels like a whole year couldn't possibly have passed by!

I had a three month check up today and got a glowing report card!  I'm doing good!  I expressed my frustration at the lingering fatigue and this darn brain of mine that seems to be taking it's sweet time getting back to normal.   My oncology nurse gave me trouble!  She told me I need to stop being so hard on myself and recognize that my body is still healing from the "war" it fought this past year.  I finished my active treatments about four months ago...four months ago!  I know some of you will understand why I'm frustrated...and yet I really do understand that my body is still healing and that we all heal at different rates!

I am proud of myself.  I think I did a great job getting through the past year!  I couldn't have done it without my personal coach/nurse/caretaker, Matt!   How I ever got so lucky to have this incredible man in my life, who not only got me through the past year, but continues to love and support me every day...somewhere, somehow, I did something good!!

And of course, I couldn't have done it without all of you!  Thank you for the love. Thank you for the prayers. Thank you for the positive energy you continue to send my way. Thank you for the treats, the teas, the visits, the emails, the hugs, the books, the laughs, the smiles....

Thank you for being there for me.  I'm one lucky, lucky girl.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

One More Sleep...

I'm so excited! Tomorrow afternoon I pick up the boys at the airport and I truly can't wait to see them!!  I am excited to hear about the adventures they had in Europe and see all their pictures!!  Man, have I missed them!

Two weekends have come and gone since I last did a blog update.  Time sure flies these days!  I've been very busy with my house sitting...watering the gardens, enjoying the air conditioning, out visiting some friends (some who graciously made me dinner...thank you very much!!).  I've been so excited today thinking about seeing those smiling faces tomorrow!!  I did up all my laundry today (mmmm....fresh linens....) thinking they may be arriving with suitcases full of dirty clothes tomorrow...best to get mine out of the way!!

I had a wonderful weekend in the Kawarthas (last weekend) with my friends Sherri and Patti. The weather was unbelievably beautiful and we had a great visit!  If you have never experienced anything from the Kawartha Dairy, I would strongly recommend the ice cream and chocolate milk. It is so yummy!!  Thank you Sherri for such a GREAT weekend!  I loved the boat ride, the floatie in the lake and best of all the laughs we girls shared!!  Thanks for being such a great navigator, Patti!!  Giggles Galore!!

I have a great excuse for not blogging this past week. I've been a little preoccupied with my new laptop and iPad!!  Wahoo!  I have no idea what I'm doing...but that doesn't seem to matter. I am loving my new electronics!!  So far I have downloaded one book..."How to Use your iPad"!!  ha ha ha

On Tuesday I go for my three month check up at the Cancer Centre.   I'm hoping it's as easy and quick as the mammogram was!

Hope you are all finding a way to stay cool in this wicked heat wave we are having...

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

And Away They Go…

On Tuesday Matt and Alex left for their European adventure. They’re off to Rome, Berlin & Munich. Lucky ducks. And so begins my house-sitting duties!! I am enjoying the backyard and the beautiful lilies that are all of a sudden in full bloom out the front! I am so glad I can sit on the patio and enjoy this beautiful weather we are having!!

A little bit of sunshine off the front porch!

Earlier this week I got to have dinner with my beautiful niece, Alyssa. She just graduated from Grade 8 and was her glass valedictorian. I’m so proud of her! She brought her speech with her so I could read it, her amazing report card for my review, along with all the awards she won! I think this brainiac takes after her Auntie Sue!! I’m very proud of you, Alyssa!! Way to go!!



How cute is she??  Good luck with your skating this summer at Mariposa, Alyssa!!



It was great to see Alyssa’s Mom (my step-sister Maureen) as well. Even the parental units joined in on the fun…sorry, no photo op for them!!

As you know, in the past year I have received amazing support from many people…friends and family alike. It has been an incredible experience that sure makes a girl feel loved!  I received the best email this week from Matt’s Uncle Willoughby. He is Beth’s oldest brother and the patriarch of the family. I thought I’d share the email with you:

“Sue, I have read your blogs with great interest and I have laughed, I have cried, I have prayed, I have empathized as best I could, I have wondered, and I have marveled.

I have marveled at your skill at writing. I have wondered how you found the courage and strength to do so. You must have plumbed the very depths of your soul to summon the bravery to lay bare your life for all of us to see.

I have also admired your spirit in facing, fighting and conquering, the Demon.

I am so very happy to see you looking so well and I am jealous of the hair.

You TIGER."

It's emails like that that make me believe I can do anything!! Thanks Uncle Willoughby…and all of Matt’s family for all the loving!! It is such an honour to be a part of your loving clan!!

Speaking about the past year, today I had my first annual mammogram. It is actually one year ago today that I went for what I thought was going to be the aspiration of a cyst…and instead had an ultra sound, followed by a mammogram, followed by a biopsy. I was a little emotional at my mammogram today thinking about the radiologist who had such a frank discussion with Matt & I that day, and gave us such a great heads up about what she believed she had found. It’s been quite a year!! The mammogram today was easy peasy. It didn’t hurt at all…either side! Uncomfortable yes, but no pain. I was really worried about how much it was going to hurt, and how the heck they could possibly mammogram my left side. They are simply the best at the Freeport Breast Clinic.

I thank all of you for your love and support, the positive energy and gifts of friendship that have come my way over the past year, and continue to find their way to me. It has been a reflective day for me and I am positively full of gratitude. My people rock!!



xoxoxoxoxxoxoxo

Happy Canada Day...and a wee catch up of sorts!

I know!  It has been more than a week since my last update...and I have so much to tell you!  I'm discovering that "normalizing" means getting busy and learning how to juggle more than one activity in a day!!  Let me tell you what I've been up to!!

I started a gradual return to work two weeks ago.  I'm truly blessed to be able to start slow and work my way up from there.  It turns out I have some MAJOR cobwebs in my brain to clean out...and it sure makes me tired!  I'm still trying to figure out what I remember and what I have to relearn, and it's frustrating that my brain doesn't work the way I remember.  I'm not sure if it's chemo, or a bad memory on my part and I was always this way!  I am glad at this point to be doing half days (I move up to three half days this week)...so far I've been using the afternoons to chill!!  Thank goodness my employer and coworkers are so understanding!!

Last weekend, Matt & I joined our friends Brock & Kelly on a wine tour in Niagara-on-the-Lake. We stayed in Niagara Falls and a wee bus picked us up and took us to four wineries.  I was a little worried...I'm not a big wine drinker and I wasn't sure I'd love it.  It turns out I had nothing to worry about!!  It was super fun!!  We even found nine bottles of wine we just had to bring home with us!!  Here are a few pics of our wine adventure...

A little lunch down by the falls (under shelter from the rain) before heading off on our tour!

mmmm....wine....I can't believe I found a red (and a rose) that I liked!

Hiding in the grapevines...

We only bought a few bottles...well, what can you do when they all taste so good?  Between the four of us, we found a lot we liked!!

This past weekend we had our annual Canada  Day celebration with Matt's neighbours.  We didn't actually have it on Canada Day - too many conflicts with other bbqs and fireworks!!  We hosted the party on  Saturday and it was fantastic!   It was definitely a little on the warm side (ok, I was sweating my butt off), thank goodness I had a few cold ones ready!!  I'm not sure what our final count was...I think around 43.  Matt was the official barbequer and we had the ceremonial changing of the flag (each year for Canada Day Matt buys a new Canada flag for the house), while everyone sang the national anthem.  It was really good!  Here's a few pics of our celebration:

The chef hard at (smoky) work!!  Man, so glad I didn't have that hot job!

Gathered on the front lawn and the driveway, just enjoying being neighbours!

The changing of the flag...so nice to put up a brand new bright flag!!

I finished another novel!  I am so very very happy to have my joy of reading back!  I'm still not as quick a reader as I used to be...I'm sure that will come back eventually!  I just finished "The Help" by Kathryn Stockett.

It came recommended to me by my friend, Sharon, and I really enjoyed it!  It was an easy read with a great story and I would definitely give it two thumbs up!  The story is about African American maids working for white families in Jackson, Mississippi in the 1960s.  Hard to imagine a world like that depicted in this book. Thank goodness for change!

I have a mammogram scheduled on Thursday morning.  This is now an annual occurrence for me (obviously).  I'm not sure how one mammograms something that is no longer there (ouch comes to mind), but after all I've been through I figure a few minutes of pain and discomfort is more then worth it!!  But maybe send some comfort vibes my way on  Thursday morning if you think of it!!

Well...I'm off to bed.  I work tomorrow morning...man it still sounds strange to say that!!  Hope you all had a wonderful long Canada Day weekend!!  It sure makes me proud to live in the best country in the world!!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Relay for Life - Survivor Lap!

I decided about a month ago that I wanted to participate in the Relay for Life.  I wasn't quite ready to get a whole team together to do the 12 hour relay, but I felt the need to do the Survivor Lap.  I wanted to see if I was ready...and if I could handle it emotionally.  If you have never been to a Relay for Life, it's worth it to stop by sometime, even if you're not a "relayer".  The atmosphere is like a carnival.  Such hope!  And all kinds of fundraising happening all over the place!  The Relay on Friday night was held at Resurrection High School in Waterloo...and I was anxious and excited and definitely nervous.  Not sure why I was nervous...but for some reason I was.

My band of supporters (plus Kelly who took this photo).  They arrived in time for the Opening Ceremonies and cheered me on the whole way around the track.  They've been cheering for me for the past 10 months, so it felt so right to have them there with me on Friday!  That's Brock, me, Matt, Judy & Jodi. 

The first lap of the Relay is for Survivors. They call it the Victory Lap.  All the survivors were wearing yellow shirts.  They ask the survivors to sign the banner that is at the very start of the relay.  It was a little intimidating to write my name down, next to names that said 14 years or 6 years or 10 years cancer free.  I just wrote "3 months done treatment!"

And we're off.  Me and my caretaker, Matt!  A big cheer from my cheering squad to get me going!!  Fists in the air...I truly felt victorious!

Truly a celebratory walk!  They read out the names of the survivors as you make your way around the track.  In a big booming voice, Dave (the friendly neighbourhood Schneiderman) said "Susan Langdon".  And for some crazy reason, tears came to my eyes.  I did it!

<>A special shout out to Pam and Lisa! For many years, I have counted money at the Relay for Life and this is the first year I participated. Pam and Lisa, my money counting friends, cheered me on with a big loud shout out and cheers from the money counting room as I rounded the track near where they were. They gave me a big wave and a loud hoot to let me know they were cheering me on this year! Thanks girls!!

Coming up to the finish line.  Matt raised our hands up in victory...it's fitting...we did the lap and for some strange reason, one lap around the track really makes you feel victorious!

The VERY best supporter a girl could ever ask for.  I love you buddy! You make me feel like I can do anything!

I am now on a gradual return to work schedule...and started back to work on Tuesday morning. I am working tomorrow morning too (I'd better get to bed soon!!). So far so good...of course, I seemed to spend a lot of time on Tuesday morning just getting my bearings again and cleaning up my desk! Hopefully tomorrow I can try to do some "real" work!!

And a special shout out to my Mom. She had cataract surgery on Friday and it's taking her a few days to get her feet under her. Darn surgery triggered a migraine and I know she is feeling rough. Rest lots, Mom. Sending tons of love to you and some healing vibes too!!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

It was a MAGICAL experience!!

I know...I've been a bad blogger! But I have a really really good excuse!

Matt and I went to Florida for ten days. We had a conference for Matt's work in Naples from June 1st to 5th. We stayed at the Ritz and the service was amazing! It's beautiful in Naples and even though it was damn hot out, there was a lovely breeze by the pool...

And even better then that, the surprise musical guests/entertainment was one of my all time favourite bands - Blue Rodeo!!

My friends Oliver, Lisa, Mark, Heather, Vanessa, Brian & Brad (who know I am a big fan) pulled me up to the front to stand with them...right beside the stage...Jim was right there in front of me. And even better then that, I got to go backstage and meet him in person.

I don't know how many times I've seen Blue Rodeo in concert...10, 15, maybe 20...but this is the first time I got to meet them, get a hug, an autograph and a picture and it made my whole day! Jim Cuddy you rock!

And I loved meeting Greg Keelor too!!

We also went to Ngala - a private wildlife reserve - for dinner one night and I got to meet a camel (and a giraffe) and we had a lovely chat...

So, the conference was good and the Ritz was wonderful and it was really great to spend some time with people I haven't seen in a long time and who's company I truly enjoy! On the 5th, we rented a convertible and drove from Naples to Kissimmee...do you know what's in Kissimmee? That's right!

We went to Disney!!

Back in the fall, in the thick of my chemo treatments, I told Matt when I was all done I wanted to go on a holiday. And not some "learn the history" kind of holiday.  I wanted to go on a holiday to celebrate getting through all my treatments and one where I would be totally entertained. I'm not sure there is a better place in the world we could have gone! It was AMAZING!! I LOVED every minute of it. I totally bought into the whole experience...stood in line to meet Mickey, Pooh Bear and Tigger. Matt pre-ordered us some "Ears" and we wore them the whole time (I even wore mine home on the plane!!). It truly is magical and if you have not been...you should go! Whether you have children or not, you will love it! I've attached a few of my pics below. I think you can tell that there is nothing about Disney that I didn't LOVE!  I still have a huge smile on my face and we've been home a week tomorrow!

I loved Animal Kingdom.  We went on a Safari...jumped in a jeep and drove right on by the animals.  We even saw a lion roar!!

We sported some 3-D glasses to watch "It's Tough to be a Bug".  All the shows (3-D or musical) we saw were awesome!

The gates to the most magical place on earth - the Magic Kingdom!  We got there in time to watch the parade and Matt took pictures of me waving away, as excited as the small children standing and sitting near by.  I felt like I was a kid!!  Hey Mickey!  Hey Goofy!  Hey Cinderella!  I'm over here!!

Matt surprised me with a package he had pre-ordered and that was waiting for us when we checked in!  In the package were our ears, complete with our names stitched on!  We also got an autographed photo of Mickey and some yummy Mickey snacks!  I had a ball for five days watching our shadows and laughing out loud at my "ears"!!

I was worried we wouldn't get everything done at Epcot that we wanted to. And while we didn't do it all, we definitely caught the highlights!  I loved Soarin' (a ride that makes you feel like your hang-gliding) and we even did Mission to Mars (although the tame version).  How do you possibly pick a favourite park??!!!

Yep!  I stood in line to meet Tigger & Pooh.  My sister Sandy loves Tigger. He's her favourite. So I had to go and get a hug for her!  And I had to get a hug from Pooh for my friend Sherri...yep, I'm a selfless person sometimes!  As an aside, Tigger decided to make fun of my ears...really...he thought he was hilarious!  I guess he IS an expert on big ears!!

How can you not love having a set of ears!  People called us by name, or else called us Mickey & Minnie.  And look at those curls!  Isn't it crazy?  Never had curly hair in my life (at least not without the help of a perm).  Just look how long my hair is getting!!

It was magical.  I loved meeting the Mouse!  And Minnie was awesome too!  So many highlights, I don't know how I would ever choose my favourite!  I am so glad we took lots of photos!!

I am truly blessed to have the BEST partner ever.  The thought of the trip ahead definitely made getting through all the yucky treatments easier...and I had no idea how much fun I was going to have!  I'm so happy I could keep up (yes, there were a couple of breaks in the afternoon...and some earlyish nights)!!  Thank you, Matt, for the best holiday!  For spoiling me rotten!  And for loving me the way you do!

Tomorrow I am going to do the Survivor Lap in the Relay for Life at Resurrection High School in Waterloo.  It's at 7:00 if anyone wants to come out and cheer!  Next year I might think about putting a whole team together...but this year, I'm just doing the victory lap!! 

And next week I'm heading back to work.  We're working on a gradual return to work schedule...and I'm nervous as all hell...but it's time.  Time to find that new normal and get my brain rolling on all gears again!  This could be painful!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Wow...Twenty Five Thousand!!!

So, I have this counter on the bottom of my blog that tracks how many times my blog has been viewed...and over the last 24 hours or so, it rolled past 25,000!! That's crazy!!

Thank you, thank you, thank you to all of you who so diligently follow my blog and have been such a great support through my journey!! As I mentioned before, I am going to keep blogging so stick around...I'm sure I have lots to tell you still!!

For those of you who check daily to see if I've done an update, I now have a solution!! I noticed today when I was fiddling around with my blog that there is a new gadget that lets you subscribe by email to my blog. If you choose to do this, you will get an email telling you whenever I've done an update...cool eh?

If this interests you, just type your email address in the box to the right that says "FOLLOW BY EMAIL". This way, you don't have to check every day to see if I have anything to say...you'll get notified via email!! Yep...don't want you to miss any of my business!!

I spent a couple of days this past weekend helping out at Mixed Minded at the Holiday Inn in Kitchener. What a totally cool event!! There are some pretty awesome workshops and I have really enjoyed checking out what projects the particpants have been working on as they leave their classes!! If you have a creative bone in your body (or want to develop one) you should check this out!!

I'm getting excited!! The countdown is on...off to meet THE mouse very soon!!! Back in the fall when I was in the thick of chemo treatments, I told Matt that when it was all over, I wanted to go on a holiday...a fun holiday where I would be entertained and we could celebrate getting through all my treatments! Matt thought this was a GREAT idea and we have been thinking about it ever since. This week, our celebratory trip is happening...and I can't wait! I did it!! And I'm going to tell Mickey all about it!!

xoxoxoxoxox