Can't help feeling a little sad...
With the end of treatments and feeling better and better by the day I knew this day would come...the people are here and it's happening.
The big screen has been moved downstairs.
Fifty inches of heaven in my own healing space...gone. Hours and hours and hours it kept me company and amused when I could barely get off the couch. And, almost worse than losing the tv to the basement, the pvr went with it. Ugh!
Yes, I only have to go downstairs to enjoy the loveliness again...and I know I am more than welcome to enjoy whenever I want (and believe me I will). That helps.
I, of course, am being a bit silly. Matt, and especially Alex, have been so wonderful to let me have the new tv pretty much to myself for the past eight months. And poor Alex, we got a PS3 for Christmas and he's hardly played it. So for that reason, I'm very happy today! I can hardly wait for Alex to come home and see it set up downstairs in all it's glory. Just waiting for him to fire up a game. Or two.
In the meantime, I may sulk for a minute. Damn I love TV!!
xoxoxoxxoxo
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Healing Nicely...
I had a rough (almost) three weeks of nasty burns...and I'm so happy to tell you that I now feel so much better. In fact, I can see a bra in my very near future!! Who knew that would make me so happy??!!
I'm excited to go to fitness tomorrow and give 'er. I did do some weights on Friday when I went, but I suspect tomorrow I'll be able to do my full routine! I'm very excited about that!!
I am still trying to figure out the whole fatigue thing. I was very tired on Friday night and had a little trouble on Saturday, which brought on a headache. Glad I got a good visit in with my friend, Firmina (and her groovy guys) first!! Thanks for making us lunch, Dave!!
Today I got to spend some time with one of my favourite people!! I was bummed when fatigue hit after a couple of hours and I had to come home to rest. Thanks for lunch, Judy!! So awesome to hang out with you today!!
Now that the burns from radiation seem to be so much better, my next quest will be to work on my endurance!! And my focus...and attention span...and fitness...
So glad the sun is shining and the temperatures are rising!! That will make everything so much easier!!
Sending much love and happiness for a great week to all of you!!
xoxoxoxoxoxo
I'm excited to go to fitness tomorrow and give 'er. I did do some weights on Friday when I went, but I suspect tomorrow I'll be able to do my full routine! I'm very excited about that!!
I am still trying to figure out the whole fatigue thing. I was very tired on Friday night and had a little trouble on Saturday, which brought on a headache. Glad I got a good visit in with my friend, Firmina (and her groovy guys) first!! Thanks for making us lunch, Dave!!
Today I got to spend some time with one of my favourite people!! I was bummed when fatigue hit after a couple of hours and I had to come home to rest. Thanks for lunch, Judy!! So awesome to hang out with you today!!
Now that the burns from radiation seem to be so much better, my next quest will be to work on my endurance!! And my focus...and attention span...and fitness...
So glad the sun is shining and the temperatures are rising!! That will make everything so much easier!!
Sending much love and happiness for a great week to all of you!!
xoxoxoxoxoxo
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Owie Kazowie!!
I know…I know…I have been (unintentionally) delinquent in updating my blog. I was excited to take a short break after completing my radiation treatments, but really hadn’t planned to be away for almost two weeks!
As it turns out, the easy peasy part of radiation ended during the last week of treatment. With that last week of treatment, the area of my burns got a bit larger and the redness became more intense. Since then I have been nursing some rather sore radiation burns…they’ve peeled and even oozed a bit…and they hurt! I am a love child these days, going braless and trying to get some air!! All in all, I am doing pretty good…just taking it easy and not moving very quickly. Sudden moves can make me suck in my breath!!
I have still been going to fitness, and just not doing my usual routine. I’ve just been riding the bike. No weights and no sweating allowed - the arm movements hurt on the left side when doing weights and the sweat could lead to infection since the burns are sort of open and raw. Plus, since I’m braless we don’t want any wild swinging motions with my remaining boob…someone could lose an eye!!
The good news is the burns are healing…prickly and itching is a good sign, right??!! I’m still quite sore and sleeping at night has been a challenge…but I am getting better at finding the exact right position and finding some sleep!
I did go visit my Mom last week for a couple of days with my sister Sandy and my nephew Luke. We had a great time and I think Mom was pretty jazzed to have us there!! We took a group shot when Bob came to join us for lunch!
Thanks to the Lee family for the awesome dinner (and to Sophie for sharing all her toys!!). Also, it was great to see the Walker family yesterday at lunch (thanks again for coming to K-W!!) and we had some great visits this past week with some of our wonderful neighbours!! I love this weather…everybody is coming out from hibernation!!
Wishing you all a very happy first day of spring…it’s definitely a time for rebirth!!
xoxoxoxoxoxo
As it turns out, the easy peasy part of radiation ended during the last week of treatment. With that last week of treatment, the area of my burns got a bit larger and the redness became more intense. Since then I have been nursing some rather sore radiation burns…they’ve peeled and even oozed a bit…and they hurt! I am a love child these days, going braless and trying to get some air!! All in all, I am doing pretty good…just taking it easy and not moving very quickly. Sudden moves can make me suck in my breath!!
I have still been going to fitness, and just not doing my usual routine. I’ve just been riding the bike. No weights and no sweating allowed - the arm movements hurt on the left side when doing weights and the sweat could lead to infection since the burns are sort of open and raw. Plus, since I’m braless we don’t want any wild swinging motions with my remaining boob…someone could lose an eye!!
The good news is the burns are healing…prickly and itching is a good sign, right??!! I’m still quite sore and sleeping at night has been a challenge…but I am getting better at finding the exact right position and finding some sleep!
I did go visit my Mom last week for a couple of days with my sister Sandy and my nephew Luke. We had a great time and I think Mom was pretty jazzed to have us there!! We took a group shot when Bob came to join us for lunch!
Thanks to the Lee family for the awesome dinner (and to Sophie for sharing all her toys!!). Also, it was great to see the Walker family yesterday at lunch (thanks again for coming to K-W!!) and we had some great visits this past week with some of our wonderful neighbours!! I love this weather…everybody is coming out from hibernation!!
Wishing you all a very happy first day of spring…it’s definitely a time for rebirth!!
xoxoxoxoxoxo
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Game Over...I Win!!
As many of you know, Matt and I have been comparing my cancer journey to a hockey game. First period was chemo, and at the end of the first we determined I was ahead 1-0. Second period surgery, and since I also conquered surgery the score was 2-0 for me at the end of the second.
Yesterday I finished radiation (the third period)!! Yahoo! It's a shut out!! 3-0 for me!!
I am so totally excited to be all finished my active treatment!! I am done! I don't have to go to the hospital today!! In fact, besides seeing my dentist next week, I don't have a medical appointment until April 13th! How great is that??!!
We took some photos yesterday to celebrate being done...
I guess you can tell how totally jazzed I am to be done. Have I mentioned that I don't have to go to the hospital today??!! I am ready to put my energies into getting stronger, working on the fatigue and building up my endurance!! And should I find myself faced with another hockey game...I'm ready to drop my gloves and give 'er!
I found myself a little emotional after my last radiation treatment yesterday. I was surprised to be teary and after thinking about it for a little bit, I think it's because I'm all done. After chemo was done, I was happy...but still had surgery. After surgery was over and I healed, I was happy...but still had radiation to go. Now that radiation is done...I'm done! Seriously! I did it!! I did it!!
I have been asked if I will continue to blog...the answer is "Of course!!" I will continue to keep writing about my journey (the appointments, reconstruction and challenges I have ahead) and anything else that I feel the need to share!
I know, without any doubt at all, that my experience and journey has been made so much easier because of all of you and the love, support and prayers you continue to send my way! I'm so grateful!! And from the bottom of my heart, I thank you.
xoxoxoxoxoxo
Yesterday I finished radiation (the third period)!! Yahoo! It's a shut out!! 3-0 for me!!
I am so totally excited to be all finished my active treatment!! I am done! I don't have to go to the hospital today!! In fact, besides seeing my dentist next week, I don't have a medical appointment until April 13th! How great is that??!!
We took some photos yesterday to celebrate being done...
These are three of the lovely radiation technicians who helped me every day with my treatments. Thanks Jenny, Marie and Laura for cheering for me yesterday when I finished!!
Walking out of the treatment room after my last zap!! Yahoo!!
Out for a celebration dinner last night at The Bauer Kitchen with Matt and Alex!
I guess you can tell how totally jazzed I am to be done. Have I mentioned that I don't have to go to the hospital today??!! I am ready to put my energies into getting stronger, working on the fatigue and building up my endurance!! And should I find myself faced with another hockey game...I'm ready to drop my gloves and give 'er!
I found myself a little emotional after my last radiation treatment yesterday. I was surprised to be teary and after thinking about it for a little bit, I think it's because I'm all done. After chemo was done, I was happy...but still had surgery. After surgery was over and I healed, I was happy...but still had radiation to go. Now that radiation is done...I'm done! Seriously! I did it!! I did it!!
I have been asked if I will continue to blog...the answer is "Of course!!" I will continue to keep writing about my journey (the appointments, reconstruction and challenges I have ahead) and anything else that I feel the need to share!
I know, without any doubt at all, that my experience and journey has been made so much easier because of all of you and the love, support and prayers you continue to send my way! I'm so grateful!! And from the bottom of my heart, I thank you.
xoxoxoxoxoxo
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Too Early for a New Boob….
On Thursday I had my first appointment with the plastic surgeon. Turns out, the timing was premature for this appointment. We are months (if not a year or two) away from reconstruction surgery. At this point, we can’t even talk about what we might do. I need to get through radiation first (only two more treatments!!) and than see how my skin heals from the radiation. There are so many questions and considerations, that it will be a while before I have any idea what kind of reconstruction makes the most sense for me…and even longer before a date for that surgery is booked.
It’s crazy how I still continue to learn so much as I move through this journey. I went to my appointment on Thursday morning thinking I would leave knowing what kind of surgery I would be having and an approximate time line on when it might take place. Yeah…not so much. It turns out I have some more road to travel before I get to this stop. Patience grasshopper!!
In the past week, I have had some really wonderful visits with friends (and some family)!! My energy levels must be getting better!!! Thanks for all the great visits and meals! It feels so great to catch up and feel like I’m part of the world again!!
I want to send out a HUGE thank you to my sister Sandra, who came to Waterloo for the morning on Thursday to go with me to my appointment. I was pretty nervous about the appointment and it was so much easier to have her with me! Thank you for taking some time off work to be there for me!
I also had a fantastic time with my Dad last week! I took him into the room where I have my radiation so he could see the set up and what everything looked like. Very cool! We had a great visit and the Rangers won!! Thanks for coming to see me, Dad!
On a sad note, we are off to pay our respects to a lovely lady who passed away on Friday. My sincere condolences to Matt’s extended family on the loss of Aunt Verna. Aunt Verna was Beth’s sister-in-law (Beth is Matt’s mom), and she will be missed! Much love to all of you.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
It’s crazy how I still continue to learn so much as I move through this journey. I went to my appointment on Thursday morning thinking I would leave knowing what kind of surgery I would be having and an approximate time line on when it might take place. Yeah…not so much. It turns out I have some more road to travel before I get to this stop. Patience grasshopper!!
In the past week, I have had some really wonderful visits with friends (and some family)!! My energy levels must be getting better!!! Thanks for all the great visits and meals! It feels so great to catch up and feel like I’m part of the world again!!
I want to send out a HUGE thank you to my sister Sandra, who came to Waterloo for the morning on Thursday to go with me to my appointment. I was pretty nervous about the appointment and it was so much easier to have her with me! Thank you for taking some time off work to be there for me!
I also had a fantastic time with my Dad last week! I took him into the room where I have my radiation so he could see the set up and what everything looked like. Very cool! We had a great visit and the Rangers won!! Thanks for coming to see me, Dad!
On a sad note, we are off to pay our respects to a lovely lady who passed away on Friday. My sincere condolences to Matt’s extended family on the loss of Aunt Verna. Aunt Verna was Beth’s sister-in-law (Beth is Matt’s mom), and she will be missed! Much love to all of you.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Big Hairy Deal…
Almost all of my radiation treatments have been in Treatment Room 1 (there are four treatment rooms), and so for the most part I have the same three or four people who give me my treatment each day. Every so often, someone new to me is working my treatment room, or I have my treatment in a different room. Yesterday, one of these new-to-me people gave me the best compliment! Remember I told you (back in January) that they took my picture the day they were setting me up for my radiation treatments so that they would recognize me in the waiting room? Well, yesterday this lovely lady said to me “I hardly recognized you from your picture - you have so much more hair now!” I was so jazzed to hear that!!
I have actually been working on a blog entry since the weekend about why losing my hair was so difficult. For sure, it was one of the hardest parts of this journey for me. Today I would say that losing my hair was harder than losing a breast. Funny eh? I wanted to try and explain to you (to myself?) why this was the case…and it turns out it’s a little more difficult to articulate than I expected.
I had a lot of people tell me I looked great in short hair, that I had a great shaped head, that in a few months my hair would grow back and how exciting to find out what it might be like when it did grow back. It was so heartwarming to get all this support and love during a time when I definitely did not feel like myself. And I truly appreciate it!! The thing is, while I’m grateful that I looked OK in short hair and that people thought my head was nice and round…I really hated that I didn’t have any choice about losing my hair.
I have been reading a book recently called "Crazy Sexy Cancer Tips" and had some enlightenment as to why losing my hair has been so hard. Even on days when you feel good and strong and energetic, when you look in the mirror and see your bald head, you remember you are sick. And it sucks. When you look in the mirror and you see how bald you have become, and how funny the few wisps left on your head look, you remember you are in the fight of your life. And this is when it can get tough to not feel sorry for yourself. I’m proud of myself for very rarely going down that road (a few moments…for sure….but I never hung out there for any length of time!!). It stunk that every time I left the house (or answered the door), I had to grab a hat so as to not frighten the children or get the looks of sympathy from people as they walked by you. Even with a hat on, I sometimes still got those looks…and believe it or not, they can make you feel worse!
I have never really been one to fuss over my hair. I prefer a wash and run kind of style...but that, of course, is when I have the choice on how my hair will look. It was really difficult for me not to have the choice. With chemo (for breast cancer anyway), you lose your hair. And I mean, all the hair on your body. At the end of chemo, I still had some very thin eyebrows and about six eyelashes left, but pretty much all the rest of the hair on my body was gone. OK...there are some benefits in not having to shave your legs or your pits...however I'd prefer hair on my head to not having to shave.
It has been over three months since my last chemo treatment. I have hair!! And I'm so happy and proud and relieved!! I’m back and forth about what I will do with all this new found hair on my head…one day I plan to let my hair grow and grow and grow, and the next day I'm thinking about my first haircut!! Ahhh…to have some choice!!! I will even leave the house now without a hat!!
I was worried in doing this blog about offending those of you who were so supportive of how I looked with little or no hair. Please know that I am grateful for your support and willingness to speak openly with me about my hair (or lack thereof). I hope this blog entry doesn’t make you question that.
I got this beautiful basket of goodies from my old roommate, Kim, who lives much too far away now!! Thank you, Kim! So special to receive such a wonderful package full of things I love....mmmm....chocolate!!!
I’m just sitting here waiting for my Dad to arrive. He is coming to spend the day with me. I’m going to take him on a tour of the Cancer Centre and he’s going to check out what happens when I go to radiation. And than tonight we are going to the Ranger game!! It’s going to be such a great day!!
xoxoxoxoxox
I have actually been working on a blog entry since the weekend about why losing my hair was so difficult. For sure, it was one of the hardest parts of this journey for me. Today I would say that losing my hair was harder than losing a breast. Funny eh? I wanted to try and explain to you (to myself?) why this was the case…and it turns out it’s a little more difficult to articulate than I expected.
I had a lot of people tell me I looked great in short hair, that I had a great shaped head, that in a few months my hair would grow back and how exciting to find out what it might be like when it did grow back. It was so heartwarming to get all this support and love during a time when I definitely did not feel like myself. And I truly appreciate it!! The thing is, while I’m grateful that I looked OK in short hair and that people thought my head was nice and round…I really hated that I didn’t have any choice about losing my hair.
I have been reading a book recently called "Crazy Sexy Cancer Tips" and had some enlightenment as to why losing my hair has been so hard. Even on days when you feel good and strong and energetic, when you look in the mirror and see your bald head, you remember you are sick. And it sucks. When you look in the mirror and you see how bald you have become, and how funny the few wisps left on your head look, you remember you are in the fight of your life. And this is when it can get tough to not feel sorry for yourself. I’m proud of myself for very rarely going down that road (a few moments…for sure….but I never hung out there for any length of time!!). It stunk that every time I left the house (or answered the door), I had to grab a hat so as to not frighten the children or get the looks of sympathy from people as they walked by you. Even with a hat on, I sometimes still got those looks…and believe it or not, they can make you feel worse!
I have never really been one to fuss over my hair. I prefer a wash and run kind of style...but that, of course, is when I have the choice on how my hair will look. It was really difficult for me not to have the choice. With chemo (for breast cancer anyway), you lose your hair. And I mean, all the hair on your body. At the end of chemo, I still had some very thin eyebrows and about six eyelashes left, but pretty much all the rest of the hair on my body was gone. OK...there are some benefits in not having to shave your legs or your pits...however I'd prefer hair on my head to not having to shave.
It has been over three months since my last chemo treatment. I have hair!! And I'm so happy and proud and relieved!! I’m back and forth about what I will do with all this new found hair on my head…one day I plan to let my hair grow and grow and grow, and the next day I'm thinking about my first haircut!! Ahhh…to have some choice!!! I will even leave the house now without a hat!!
I was worried in doing this blog about offending those of you who were so supportive of how I looked with little or no hair. Please know that I am grateful for your support and willingness to speak openly with me about my hair (or lack thereof). I hope this blog entry doesn’t make you question that.
I got this beautiful basket of goodies from my old roommate, Kim, who lives much too far away now!! Thank you, Kim! So special to receive such a wonderful package full of things I love....mmmm....chocolate!!!
I’m just sitting here waiting for my Dad to arrive. He is coming to spend the day with me. I’m going to take him on a tour of the Cancer Centre and he’s going to check out what happens when I go to radiation. And than tonight we are going to the Ranger game!! It’s going to be such a great day!!
xoxoxoxoxox
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