My Friend Bernie

Today I found out my friend Bernie passed away on Monday.

One of the best things I did when I got diagnosed with cancer, and started my treatments, was sign up for the Well-Fit program at the University of Waterloo. It was a safe haven for me in every way...it was sterile, everyone else there knew (through their own experiences) what I was going through, and it got me out of the house on days when I didn't want to get off the couch or see anyone. It just felt good to be with people who understood the whole diagnosis/treatment process...and to exercise and be active in some way was great too!

But the greatest part was the wonderful people I met. The staff at Well-Fit are awesome, for sure, but it was my fellow survivors who gave me so much. They understood, they supported, they made me smile and believe too. One of my favourites was my friend Bernie. He had a huge smile on his face every day. We rode our stationary bikes side by side and talked about our cancers, our oncologists, our families and what we did for a living and for fun. Bernie was a big Disney World fan and when he found out I was going last summer, he couldn't tell me enough about what I had to do and see while I was there. He told me where to go to meet Mickey!!

My thoughts are with Bernie's wife Sheila and his family. I feel so blessed for having met such a wonderful, positive man. I thank him for helping me stay positive during such a difficult time and for always having a hug ready. I am definitely better for having known him. God bless, Bernie.

xoxoxxoxoxoxoxxoxo

Countdown to Hunger Games...the Movie!

I cannot wait!  I have finished the Hunger Games Trilogy and on Wednesday I'm going to see the movie with a couple of girlfriends!  I cannot wait!!  I loved this book, and of course I know the book is always better than the movie...but I just hear so many great things and I think the book lends itself to become a great movie!!  Wahoo!

Did I mention I cannot wait??!!

Tonight I saw Jupiter, Venus and Mars!  Did you look at the sky tonight?  There were two super bright stars near the moon...only they weren't stars!  Venus was the one closest to the moon and Jupiter was just below.  Mars was in a different part of the sky and had kind of an orange tinge to it.  Beautiful!!

I'm lucky to have an amateur astronomer on our street!  He had his telescope out and let us take a closer look.  We could see the four moons around Jupiter and this cluster of stars called Pleiades that sort of looks like a tiny dipper.  While we were waiting our turn to look through the telescope, we were checking out the North Star, Orion and the Big Dipper.  So cool!

And to top it all off, while we were outside star gazing we saw a shooting star!  So perfect I just had to make a wish!!

xoxoxoxoxoxo

Happy Anniversary to Me!!

Wahoo!!  I love these one year anniversaries!!  The end of last week marked one year since I finished up my radiation treatments.

Yep, one year ago today I was nursing my radiation burns and feeling grateful and proud to be DONE!!

Today, with a full year behind me, I am doubly grateful and feeling like time is on my side!!  As I'm sure you all know, the more time I can put between me and my diagnosis and treatments, the more the risk of a recurrence drops!!  Winning!!

So what have I been up to?  Well, Matt and I have been to a few symphonies lately, and it's made me think about my high school music teacher, Mr. Ted Kennedy. I took music all through high school and it was definitely my favourite class.  The clarinet was my main instrument (played in the studio band) and the alto sax was my second instrument (played in the stage band).  Man I loved those days!  When Matt and I went to see Bolero, it was lovely to hear those woodwinds featured!!  And it made me wonder why we never played it in high school (I think me and my friend Sheryl would have loved to give it a go!!)!  Then just a week and a half ago, Matt and I went to listen to the music of John Williams.  Yes, you know who John Williams is!!  He wrote the music for some of the best movies of all time...all six Star Wars movies, all the Harry Potter movies, the Indiana Jones movies, Jaws, Superman, ET, Close Encounters (the list goes on and on...).  It was a fabulous concert and again it made me think about Mr. Kennedy and the fun we had in music and band.  He always picked great popular pieces and I know we played a few pieces from John Williams' collection.   So I found myself wondering why I haven't played any instruments since high school...

Well...I do have my whole life ahead of me...maybe I should take up a brand new one...wonder how Matt feels about the drums!!

On a more serious 'note', as I put this treatment free year behind me, I have been reflecting on how lucky I am to have so many amazing people in my life.  I thank you all for the love and support that not only got me through my treatments but continues to show itself to me today!  It feels great to be feeling more and more like myself every day and I know the loving has made all the difference.  Thank you.

xoxoxoxxoxoxo

A Rambling Return …

I don’t really know how to explain my little hiatus from the blogging world.  I just felt like I needed to take a little break from technology…and the pressure to be immediate that comes with it.  Don’t get me wrong, I love emailing and texting…and yes, even blogging.   So I don’t really know what my problem was (or maybe still is).  I just felt the need to step away.  I’ve even been a bit slow to respond to some emails. Maybe it’s the idea of getting my thoughts together and sounding intelligent?? Or maybe it has to do with sitting in front of a computer all day for work and not being so excited about it when I get home.  I’m not sure.

 

I’ve also taken a bit of an extended break from Facebook.  Still have my profile and have logged in briefly to check something out here and there, but definitely not on every day (or even every week) and truly have little or no desire to change that.  It is mind boggling to me that there are tons of updates to check out every day.  As soon as I miss a day, I feel like I’m way behind, and it’s not like I have tons of “friends”.  Seriously, it seems like strange pressure to impose on oneself, so I’m trying to resist it.

 

But here’s the problem that comes with taking this kind of self-imposed break…you are almost immediately out of the loop.  People share what is going on in their lives using social media…and so with a break comes missing out on what is going on in people’s worlds.  For me, this meant not knowing about a particularly difficult time a good friend of mine was going through, and as a result, not really being there for her.  It also meant missing out on marshmallow roasting trolls…but that’s a story for another time!

 

I’m struggling.  I love my iPad and laptop and being able to connect via Facetime with friends and family…but somehow I feel like something has changed. Whereas before it was nice to be able to drop an email, or get one, now the pressure for me feels more intense.  Is that crazy??

 

So, what else is going on with me?  Well, things are good.  The fatigue is getting better and I feel like my energy levels are gaining some substance and endurance.  Obviously there is still room for improvement, but being able to feel a change feels amazing.  I had a three month follow up at the end of January and got a big thumbs up.  We talked about the fatigue and how frustrated I am with it…and I was reminded that I need to be kind to myself and to be patient.  I’m almost a year out of treatment…and what a year it’s been!!  Every day I’m so grateful that my journey brought me here.  To today, and the blessings I am so fortunate to have.

 

And in an effort to grab hold of life and live it fully, I’ve been able to make some changes with regards to work and am now working four days a week instead of five.  I am so grateful that Arca was willing to work with me on this.  It was difficult to work all week and have little energy for much else. Already last weekend I spent a day running errands with Matt and we went to the symphony too.  It was so cool to not have to nap/rest in the afternoon so we could go out that night.  See, things they are a changing!!

 

And for those of you who have known me a long time, I had a blast of reality two weeks ago when my baby niece turned 20.  Yep, Brooklyn is 20.  How can that be?  It seems like only yesterday her and I were taking road trips to Nana’s house.  She’s a beautiful girl and I’m as proud of her today as I have ever been.   And Matt will have that same blast of reality in a couple of months when Lauren turns 20 too.  Another beautiful girl we couldn’t be more proud of!!

 

For my reading friends, I must tell you I finished “Sing You Home” by Jodi Picoult and “The Hunger Games” by Suzanne Collins.  “The Hunger Games” was an excellent read and I had to run right out when I finished it and buy the next book in the series (Catching Fire). And to say I’m excited about the movie coming out next month would be an understatement. I can’t wait!!  Yes, it was a very easy book to read…and I’m happy to say it did its job and got me excited about reading again!!  I actually bought the book for Alex for Christmas, only to find out he had read it a couple of years ago.  So I decided to keep it for myself and got him a different book. Am I ever glad I did!  Read it!!

 

Another big decision made…I have (finally) given up my apartment.  Yep, I’m in the midst of transitioning full time to Foxhill Manor.  I’m so excited and ready and thrilled to be living with this beautiful family that has embraced me whole heartily.  And yes, I’m a little scared.  For a girl who’s been fiercely independent for over twenty years, this is a big change.  And it’s a good one.    It’s so great to have family!!

 

And since I mentioned it earlier, let me tell you about my latest addiction.  I am IN LOVE with my iPad. It’s terrible. Poor Matt gets neglected while I play “Words With Friends”, “Diner Dash” and “My Town”...not too mention “Spider Solitaire”.  And I have downloaded a couple of books to read too.  I’m trying to share, really I am…but this is the best toy I think I’ve ever owned!!

 

So, there you have it. A long winded update about really nothing in particular. I’m back.  And I’m glad you are still around to read about it!

 

xoxoxoxoxoxo

Stay tuned...

I know...probably nobody out there still checking my blog...I've been a very delinquent blogger!

I am making my way back, I promise! And if you can give me a couple more days, I will have something to say (and hopefully it'll be interesting).

In the meantime, I hope you have had a wonderful weekend with your families!!

xoxoxoxo

Are you JUST tired?

Yes...it's been almost a month since my last blog entry. I had so much I could have shared leading up to Christmas, and I just haven't had the steam to sit down and type and tell my story.  I'm going to try today...

Let me start with MERRY CHRISTMAS!!  I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas with your families.  Mine is not over yet.  Lauren and Alex just arrived yesterday, and this morning I am patiently waiting for them to wake up so we can open our stockings and gifts.  Later today, the rest of the Austins are arriving for some family Christmas celebration.  I'm glad our Christmas was delayed by two days, the 25th was not a very good day for me.  I slept.  A lot.

It also doesn't feel like Christmas to me yet because I haven't talked to my sister.  They decided to go south a week before Christmas and just got home yesterday.  I hope I get to talk to her today!!  And I can't wait to see my family a little later this week!

A few weeks ago we had a very large (100 foot) tree taken down.  Have you ever watched someone take down a tree in the city?  They climb way up to the top of the tree and start sending down chunks.  Big chunks that you feel the vibration from when they hit the ground.  So, Tree Guy is way up this huge tree in our backyard and I can see the tree swaying back and forth...way up there...and I decide I'm not going to watch Tree Guy take down the tree.  I did take a photo with the intention of sharing it with you, but you can't really tell it's a man up there...and you can't really tell how high up he is.  So, I'll leave it to your imagination!

I was at Matt's Christmas party and was very happy to see lots of familiar faces and they had lots of wonderful things to say to me, along the lines of "You look great!" and "So good to see you!".  Someone I've known for a long time (and am quite fond of) asked me if I was done treatment.  I told him (with a big smile), that yes, I had completed my treatments the middle of March.  He nodded and said "So, 100% then?"  I felt completely deflated.  Trying not to show it I said "Well, I'm doing really well.  I'm just struggling a bit with fatigue and have to really pace myself".  His response back to me was "And how is that any different from me being tired at the end of the day?"  I was inspired by his comment.  I'm sure there are lots of people who have never experienced fatigue, and so maybe don't understand that it isn't just about being tired after a long day.  I thought maybe I'd try to explain it...and then maybe it'll make more sense why I haven't blogged lately, why I made short appearances at some Christmas parties and why I've been a bit of a recluse lately...

I think the main difference for me, between fatigue and being tired, is that it doesn't go away.  A good night's sleep doesn't really refresh me.  It gives me strength, and it definitely helps, but I still feel like I could sleep for hours.  I am tired down to my baby toe.  I have lists of things I want to do, and most things on the list feel like huge obstacles to overcome...not easy items to just cross off.  I'll give you an example...I started my Christmas cards with my friend Jodi the last week of November.  We got them almost done...seriously, another hour and they'd be finished.  I just didn't have the focus/energy/where with all to do it.  Finally Matt helped me finish them a week or so ago (he's great at taking direction with glue in hand!!).  And we got them out.  He sat beside me at the kitchen table and attached address labels and stamps and sealed them shut.  We did a few each day last week...so when you receive your card this week, you'll know I've been trying since the end of November to get them out!

I'm glad to be on holidays now until January 3rd.  The trick is drinking tons of water and not doing too much.   So, what constitutes too much?  Well, on the 24th I thawed the turkey, made lunch for Matt and wrapped some gifts.  It was too much and I was down and out almost all day Christmas day.  And it frustrates me that that is too much.

Mostly, I'm tired of being tired.  I joined a new gym that opens this week (the 30th).  It's less than five minutes from our house.  I'm hoping some time at the gym (on my schedule...whenever I want to go), will help with the energy.  I know the weather (hello winter!) and the festive season probably don't help either.  I'm just trying to take everything into account, listen to my body/mind/spirit (and Matt) and pace myself.  I suck at it.  But I think I'm improving.

The good news is, it's the best time of the year! The World Juniors are on...and so far Canada is looking really good!!  Go Canada Go!!

xoxoxoxoxoxoox

New Canadian Citizen!!

On Friday Matt & I had the privilege of attending our first Canadian Citizenship Ceremony.  It was a wonderful (and quite emotional) experience.  Our friend (and neighbour) Adolfo was presented with his Canadian Citizenship.  We are so happy and proud of (and for) him!

The presiding Judge Sharon Robertson was excellent. She was animated and did such a great job with the ceremony and making everyone feel comfortable and welcome.  There were 46 people (from 22 countries) receiving their citizenship and she took the time to speak to each one of them, as did our MP Peter Braid.  

Adolfo with Judge Sharon, Peter Braid and his sons Gabe & Alex.

Before the ceremony started, the clerk walked us all through how the ceremony would proceed, when we should stand, etc.  The place was packed and he told us it was the fullest ceremony he'd ever seen.  When it came time for the new citizens to take their oath, Judge Robertson encouraged anyone who wanted to renew their oath to join in, including those that had been born in Canada and may have never had the opportunity to say the oath before.  Matt & I both joined in.  I should clarify that I tried to say the oath, with tears streaming down my face and my voice cracking it was a little more difficult then I might have anticipated.  I won't tell you what happened when we sang O Canada!!

It was a really great experience.  I am so proud to be Canadian and that pride grew exponentially at the Citizenship ceremony.  I totally understand why a person would choose to become Canadian!!

The fun continued when we were invited to join Adolfo and his family (including his lovely wife Heather - who is my awesome tennis partner!!) at a "new citizen" party on Friday night.  It was a lot of fun to raise a beer and eat some good old deep fried Canadian food in celebration of a fantastic achievement!

Decked out in a new tuque and scarf!

We got Adolfo a new Canadian tuque and scarf to keep him warm this winter!  He's already experienced many Canadian winters...but somehow I suspect his first as a Canadian citizen will be the best one yet!!  Congratulations, Adolfo!!

xoxoxoxooxoxoxo