Are you JUST tired?

Yes...it's been almost a month since my last blog entry. I had so much I could have shared leading up to Christmas, and I just haven't had the steam to sit down and type and tell my story.  I'm going to try today...

Let me start with MERRY CHRISTMAS!!  I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas with your families.  Mine is not over yet.  Lauren and Alex just arrived yesterday, and this morning I am patiently waiting for them to wake up so we can open our stockings and gifts.  Later today, the rest of the Austins are arriving for some family Christmas celebration.  I'm glad our Christmas was delayed by two days, the 25th was not a very good day for me.  I slept.  A lot.

It also doesn't feel like Christmas to me yet because I haven't talked to my sister.  They decided to go south a week before Christmas and just got home yesterday.  I hope I get to talk to her today!!  And I can't wait to see my family a little later this week!

A few weeks ago we had a very large (100 foot) tree taken down.  Have you ever watched someone take down a tree in the city?  They climb way up to the top of the tree and start sending down chunks.  Big chunks that you feel the vibration from when they hit the ground.  So, Tree Guy is way up this huge tree in our backyard and I can see the tree swaying back and forth...way up there...and I decide I'm not going to watch Tree Guy take down the tree.  I did take a photo with the intention of sharing it with you, but you can't really tell it's a man up there...and you can't really tell how high up he is.  So, I'll leave it to your imagination!

I was at Matt's Christmas party and was very happy to see lots of familiar faces and they had lots of wonderful things to say to me, along the lines of "You look great!" and "So good to see you!".  Someone I've known for a long time (and am quite fond of) asked me if I was done treatment.  I told him (with a big smile), that yes, I had completed my treatments the middle of March.  He nodded and said "So, 100% then?"  I felt completely deflated.  Trying not to show it I said "Well, I'm doing really well.  I'm just struggling a bit with fatigue and have to really pace myself".  His response back to me was "And how is that any different from me being tired at the end of the day?"  I was inspired by his comment.  I'm sure there are lots of people who have never experienced fatigue, and so maybe don't understand that it isn't just about being tired after a long day.  I thought maybe I'd try to explain it...and then maybe it'll make more sense why I haven't blogged lately, why I made short appearances at some Christmas parties and why I've been a bit of a recluse lately...

I think the main difference for me, between fatigue and being tired, is that it doesn't go away.  A good night's sleep doesn't really refresh me.  It gives me strength, and it definitely helps, but I still feel like I could sleep for hours.  I am tired down to my baby toe.  I have lists of things I want to do, and most things on the list feel like huge obstacles to overcome...not easy items to just cross off.  I'll give you an example...I started my Christmas cards with my friend Jodi the last week of November.  We got them almost done...seriously, another hour and they'd be finished.  I just didn't have the focus/energy/where with all to do it.  Finally Matt helped me finish them a week or so ago (he's great at taking direction with glue in hand!!).  And we got them out.  He sat beside me at the kitchen table and attached address labels and stamps and sealed them shut.  We did a few each day last week...so when you receive your card this week, you'll know I've been trying since the end of November to get them out!

I'm glad to be on holidays now until January 3rd.  The trick is drinking tons of water and not doing too much.   So, what constitutes too much?  Well, on the 24th I thawed the turkey, made lunch for Matt and wrapped some gifts.  It was too much and I was down and out almost all day Christmas day.  And it frustrates me that that is too much.

Mostly, I'm tired of being tired.  I joined a new gym that opens this week (the 30th).  It's less than five minutes from our house.  I'm hoping some time at the gym (on my schedule...whenever I want to go), will help with the energy.  I know the weather (hello winter!) and the festive season probably don't help either.  I'm just trying to take everything into account, listen to my body/mind/spirit (and Matt) and pace myself.  I suck at it.  But I think I'm improving.

The good news is, it's the best time of the year! The World Juniors are on...and so far Canada is looking really good!!  Go Canada Go!!

xoxoxoxoxoxoox

New Canadian Citizen!!

On Friday Matt & I had the privilege of attending our first Canadian Citizenship Ceremony.  It was a wonderful (and quite emotional) experience.  Our friend (and neighbour) Adolfo was presented with his Canadian Citizenship.  We are so happy and proud of (and for) him!

The presiding Judge Sharon Robertson was excellent. She was animated and did such a great job with the ceremony and making everyone feel comfortable and welcome.  There were 46 people (from 22 countries) receiving their citizenship and she took the time to speak to each one of them, as did our MP Peter Braid.  

Adolfo with Judge Sharon, Peter Braid and his sons Gabe & Alex.

Before the ceremony started, the clerk walked us all through how the ceremony would proceed, when we should stand, etc.  The place was packed and he told us it was the fullest ceremony he'd ever seen.  When it came time for the new citizens to take their oath, Judge Robertson encouraged anyone who wanted to renew their oath to join in, including those that had been born in Canada and may have never had the opportunity to say the oath before.  Matt & I both joined in.  I should clarify that I tried to say the oath, with tears streaming down my face and my voice cracking it was a little more difficult then I might have anticipated.  I won't tell you what happened when we sang O Canada!!

It was a really great experience.  I am so proud to be Canadian and that pride grew exponentially at the Citizenship ceremony.  I totally understand why a person would choose to become Canadian!!

The fun continued when we were invited to join Adolfo and his family (including his lovely wife Heather - who is my awesome tennis partner!!) at a "new citizen" party on Friday night.  It was a lot of fun to raise a beer and eat some good old deep fried Canadian food in celebration of a fantastic achievement!

Decked out in a new tuque and scarf!

We got Adolfo a new Canadian tuque and scarf to keep him warm this winter!  He's already experienced many Canadian winters...but somehow I suspect his first as a Canadian citizen will be the best one yet!!  Congratulations, Adolfo!!

xoxoxoxooxoxoxo

One Year!!

Friday marked my one year anniversary for finishing chemo!  One year ago I was celebrating being done my chemo treatments (there was cake involved)...and now it's been a whole year!  Some days it feels like a lot longer than a year, and other days it's wild to think a whole year has gone by!

So Friday night we went to visit some friends and they were happy to celebrate my one year anniversary with me...again, cake was involved!!  Thanks Rob & Steph for the hospitality and for cheering me on the whole way!!

It's actually been a great weekend for celebrating. On Saturday we had the privilege of attending an 80th birthday party with Matt's family for his Aunt Ruth.  It was a bit of a surprise for her, and it was fun to see everyone there for her!  After the birthday party, we went to an annual "Rink Building" party at our friends the Andrews.  It was a good time...albeit a little crazy with many little ones running around!!  Always good to sit around a big table and have a beer with friends!!

And today I got to meet up with my good friend Tracy for our birthday pedicures...ok...two months late but man do I have pretty blue toes tonight!!

Hope you had a good weekend too!!  Cheers to one year!!

xoxoxoxoxoxox

Scrappy Weekend!!

I just had a FANTASTIC weekend!  I was at a Scrapbook Retreat with two great girlfriends!  We were at the Elmhurst Inn in Ingersoll.  It's a beautiful spot, and the grounds are awesome!  It seems to be a choice destinations for weddings...and we did indeed see a bride each night we were there!

We arrived Friday mid-afternoon and spent from Friday at 5:00 until Sunday at 5:00 scrapping with the great people from ScrapMuch?  It was awesome.  While we did get a little bit of sleep, we also ate some good food (and snacks!!), had lots of laughs, played a little Price is Right and, oh yeah, we had a great time working on Christmas cards, layouts and I even made a rocking Advent calendar!!  I am not quite as fast or productive as Mindy and Amber (hello...Amber got 37 pages done and Mindy completed ALL of her Christmas cards...but damn my advent calendar is cute!!!)

Thank you to Anita and Elaine for being such wonderful hosts this weekend! And thank you to Mindy and Amber for being such great roommates!!  I'm already looking forward to the next one!

xoxoxoxoxoxxo

KISS This!!

Start with a beautiful, loving, mild mannered family...

add a life long KISS fan with a makeup brush (and decades of practice)...

four willing faces...

awesome home made costumes...

lots of enthusiasm, energy, attitude and star power...

and you end up with the winners for BEST costume!!!

And like any good rock band...they have a crazed fan!!!

xoxoxoxoxo

What a Week!

This was a really tough week for me.

I made the REALLY difficult decision to end my participation at Well-Fit.  It was a really difficult decision because I've been going to this fitness group (for cancer patients only) since after my second chemo treatment.  These wonderful girls saw me twice a week during all my treatments, recovery and return to work.  They supported me and guided me and helped me embrace the road to better health.  Hey...they worked miracles!  I'm moving my butt more!!  During chemo, when my immune system was seriously compromised and I wasn't hugging anyone or going anywhere near anyone who might possibly be sick, I still went to fitness.  They operate a sterile environment and if you're sick, you don't go because you know there are others in treatment who can't fight off a little cold.  These girls developed a personal program for me every six weeks or so.  They pushed me when I needed to be pushed, and kept a close eye on my heart rate monitor when they thought I was pushing too hard.  They made a HUGE difference to my cancer journey.  So leaving them has had me in tears several times this week.  So, I'll bet you're asking "Why go??".  Well, with the return to full time hours at work, there are only two classes I can attend - Monday & Wednesday at 5:30.  And at the end of the day, I'm just a little too tired to push myself at fitness, and if I miss one of my classes, it's too hard to make it up at another time.  Damn this work thing!  To Lori, Maddy, Erin & Steph I send out my heartfelt thanks.  You girls rock!  Thank you for your encouragement, comfort and caring.  Thanks for pushing me!  Thanks for providing such an awesome support network.  And thanks for helping me to embrace fitness!  I'll definitely be seeing you!!

Part of the reason I could decide to leave Well Fit is because I am joining the new Athletic Club on Ira Needles.  It opens mid-December and I'm pretty excited to check it out.  It does mean that in the next six weeks, I need to do some weights at home, go swimming and go for some walks.  And of course, I'll continue to push myself at tennis (have I mentioned how much I love playing tennis??!!).

So, on Wednesday I went to my last Well Fit class.  I didn't even say good bye to my fellow survivors.  I was just way too emotional.  I hardly talked to anyone all class, on the verge of tears.  Who is this emotional girl??!!

To make my day just a little bit better on Wednesday, someone hit my car while I was parked on the side street near my apartment at lunch.  Crap.  My street is getting repaved, new curbs, new sidewalks and they redid the plumbing underground...so it's a mess!  You have to park a street over and walk.  And leave your car out for people to hit!  Damn.  It's not a really bad dint...but it will have to be repaired.  Not a good day.

I hosted a little Stampin' Up party for some girlfriends on Friday night and am so grateful my beautiful man gave me a hand getting ready for it.  It was a fun time and amazing how a few hours with your girlfriends can turn your week around!!  Thanks girls!

While I was hosting on Friday, Matt was in London painting the faces of my good friends the McGonigles for their Hallowe'en party.  Of course if Matt is there painting their faces, I'm sure you can guess that they went as KISS!  And who better to do their make up then Matt?!  Judy made their costumes and from the picture Jude posted on Facebook they looked awesome!  I'm still waiting for a couple of pics to scrapbook...and if I'm granted permission I'll maybe throw one on here too!  Matt was so excited that they got into their characters and hammed it up!  Great job you guys!!  And congrats on the best costume win!!

I was very happy to get a short visit in with Eileen and Markie Thom today.  Mark was playing in a hockey tournament in Mississauga this weekend, and while they didn't have any wins yesterday, they had an awesome game today (must have been the good luck charms in the stands!!).

You know, I really don't have very many bad days.  So I guess having one (or two) this week just provided me with perspective.  Life is good!

xoxoxoxoxo

Three Month Check Up!!

On Friday morning, Matt & I were at the Cancer Centre for my three month follow up.

I'm on a three month rotation, which gives me comfort and makes me feel confident that if anything was to go askew, they'd be on it right away.  The appointment is easy peasy.  Lots of questions about how I'm doing, how work is going, any discomfort I'm experiencing and how the fatigue is going.  Then, there's an exam (check out the mastectomy site and my remaining boob, check to see if there are any issues with my lymph nodes, a listen to my heart and my lungs and a funny little check they do to see if there are any changes to some other organs).  All and all it's about half an hour.

And I passed with flying colours!  I'm good to go!  And she got a kick out my curly hair!!

So, I'm cleared until January when I go back for my next three month appointment!

I love having a good follow up. Every time I get a thumbs up, it puts a little more distance between me and my diagnosis and treatment.  And that has to be a good thing!

I've had a great weekend!  Dinner out at The Cambridge Mill last night (big yum) and how awesome was the weather today!  What a beautiful sun shiny day!!

xoxoxoxoxo